House Rules and Lessons Learned When It’s -35°

1. No laundry will be done as the moisture from the drying clothes may have significant and icy implications.

2. No more using blow dryers to melt the interior ice build-up as it may crack the windows.

3. Use of the oven to heat up the house is encouraged especially when brownies are involved.

4. Check on your neighbors and offer up the warm rolls you just baked because the sharing of carbs can be a love language too.

5. Keep the blinds open and fans running to prevent your sh*t from turning into popsicles, thus saving you money in the long run.

6. Move the plants away from the windows or be prepared to lose them.

7. Practice remote starting your car with the app and get comfortable with this new method asap so you don’t freeze inside said vehicle.

8. Make note of the draftiest places in the house to fix in preparation for the next inevitable polar vortex. Consult with MN friends on the plastic wrap method of window insulation.

9. Guava hard candy from your Christmas stocking really does make you feel like you’re in a tropical place. For 30 seconds.

10. Feed the dang birds!

11. You will still have to kill bugs inside the house because gnats seem to live through anything??

12. You can (and should!) check the temperature of the crawlspace using your water alarm app.

13. You are fortunate and privileged. Repeat to yourself when excessive b*tching feels imminent.

Felt less guilty about my frozen houseplant after learning our next door neighbors not only lost a plant themselves, but in the same spot in their house as ours, speaking to a design flaw as opposed to a human one. At least that’s what I’m going to tell myself.

Applied Scotch tape to our cracked window after consulting PBS’s This Old House’s website. They actually recommended masking tape which we didn’t have, but if the window is already effed, does it even matter?

Continued to learn how to drive a car fifteen years too technologically advanced for my current skill set. Finally figured out how to turn on the heater for my feet just in time for the polar vortex to end. Noted Sirius XM, while fabulous for meeting nostalgic pop music needs, stops playing near tall buildings or in the garage.

Got into the wrong car after an appointment at the dealership, thus practicing the art of graceful scurry. Also on the same day? Received a call while driving and panicked as I barely know how to drive the thing as is. Ignored it, later texting the caller upon arrival. They happily reported seeing me driving, and wanted to say hi. I asked if I looked terrified and they confirmed.

Met a VIP from our newest corporate partner. Soon realized we could be friends after spending 10 minutes talking about our mutual love for Taylor Swift. Proudly proclaimed, “You’re a Swiftie!” cementing a solid start to our relationship.

Got asked if I had a granddog after I disclosed that I was one of the few locals sans dog. Spent the rest of the day questioning if I looked old enough to have a granddog.

Celebrated a loved one by creating a birthday tribute video inspired by the Golden Girls theme song. And no, it won’t be posted here, as it’s something only a mother could love, and thankfully she did. Brian was in charge of the lyrics and tech, while I contributed props and instrumental music courtesy of YouTube. 🤣

Attended my first Board of Trustees meeting in my capacity as partner organization liaison. Felt woefully out of my depth (but warmly welcomed!), regretful of my choice to wear jeans, and gooey inside after my report was pronounced, “well done.”