B Squared Takes Big Sky

Learned the phrase “ballhawks” from Brian while watching college football. As in, “Boy, those Trojans sure are ballhawks this season. Felt excited as a NFL used the term the next day and I knew what it meant.

Took a hike on a moderately difficult trail. Birded on our way up which had the bonus of disguising our much needed breathing breaks.

Overheard While Hiking: “This is really going to revive my spirits if I survive.” (It was Brian. Brian said this.)

Had my final dental appointment (fingers crossed) in my extraction/implant saga. Highlights included not crying, learning that my dentist has an encyclopedic Jeopardy-like knowledge of random things, getting a lesson on the merits of Hemingway, and finding out that I will now have to wear a retainer at night. The last one was a sweet, sweet surprise. Not.

Read an article about “Super dodgers” and wondered if The Scientist and I may be one since we’ve never had COVID. Perhaps this will be our claim to fame!

Confirmed that I do, indeed, live in a small town when my next door neighbor unexpectedly attended my networking group as a guest. I now know she’s a virtual trauma informed life coach for entrepreneurs.

Received a rather fitting pair of novelty socks as a gift. I’d say my friend knows me well as I am a nerd and I do like office supplies.

Tallied “What Makes Us Old” with the bestie. Her entry included excitement about the new membership car wash in her town and mine involved making plans to hit up the driv-thru flu shot clinic this weekend.

Peppered the one person I know that’s gotten their new COVID booster as to when the regular folks can expect to get them. TBD.

A “dang-it!” was given upon learning that local pharmacies have had the updated vaccine booster since September 1st. Appointments were quickly made. Special scheduling consideration was given to allow for any potential side effects the next day.

Made my dad proud and mowed half the lawn thanks to Brian purchasing a push mower. If there ever was a novel experience sure to lose its luster, it would be this.

Was dive-bombed by an agitated Red Breasted Nuthatch while taking a much needed breathing break on a hike. Cue breath lost twice.

Received Canadian beer and catsup chips from our recently returned vacationing neighbors in exchange for watering their plants. Yay to the beer, generally hesitant regarding the chips. *Update* Chips are okay in small doses.

Participated in my second fantasy football draft. This stressed out 50% of BSquared as they are now managing two teams, the other partner was whiny about the need to defend their title, and someone that shall be unnamed didn’t secure enough running backs.

Declared it unofficially officially flannel season thanks to the sudden below freezing temps. The term “unofficially” was used as it’s supposed to be back in the 80’s next week.

Received an invitation to be a judge for our local paper’s annual 20 Under 40 Awards. This tickled me no end despite the weekend homework that was porch-dropped and consisted of nominations to review.

Thoroughly enjoyed watching two hot air balloons from my office window. Grimaced as they came thisclose to colliding.

Was told that I looked like I needed a melon at the farmer’s market. I did, in fact, need a melon whereas Brian felt compelled to tell the vendor that he didn’t like them. Exactly what the melon farmer wanted to hear.

Discussed plans to begin “Tech-Free Tuesdays” in an effort to disconnect à la vacation. More books, puzzling, and walks coming at you!

Overheard at the Eilers: Brian: I unjammed your printer while I was upstairs. Me: Ooo, thanks! Brian: Do you want me to show you how I did it? Me: Yeah, no.

Me? I’m just wondering what I did to deserve my work email being bombarded with spam telling me I won free drills from home improvement stores.

Came home to a paycheck for my jury duty services. Unexpected as I had wrongly assumed you were only paid if selected. Either way, I’ll happily take my $15.75.

Discovered that the lab at the hospital now offers a red and green light communication system at check-in. Panicked slightly at first but ended up nailing it. Empathized with those that followed that weren’t so lucky.

Continued on our all things English pop- culture tour and took to calling each other by a new nickname, “Petal.” As in, “It’s time to go to bed, Petal.” It’s amazing what amuses you when you hit middle age, no?

Was deemed eccentric by a loved one eliciting a feeling of pride as it’s clear that I am a tad bit eccentric. Have also been told I’m dramatic, well-intentioned, and kind. Cheers to being well rounded at least.

A “Yay!” was given upon hearing that the FDA authorized the newest Omicron booster vaccine. The Scientist had zero concerns after I pointed out that it was approved before the full human trial info could be reviewed. Well, okay then.

Played the ultimate kid card and was advised by my doctor to ask my mom if I received a particular vaccine in childhood. Somewhere there is a meme about this.

Laughed out loud after learning that my hair stylist had been texting my ex-husband’s number to try and schedule my bangs trim. Hard to say what felt better: getting my bangs trimmed or knowing he was slightly inconvenienced by it.

Felt absolutely ecstatic about the official start to the college football season and enjoyed watching two former USC quarterbacks battle against each other at their new respective teams. Couldn’t help but wonder why they didn’t play that well when they were Trojans.

Celebrated National Cinema Day by attending the movies to see Top Gun: Maverick like the rest of the world. Found extra joy as it was Brian’s first theater experience since the pandemic and a show my dad would have liked.

Survived the first week back to work post vacation blues thanks to zero mishaps awaiting me in my inbox and the best fundraising week of my career. Should probably go on vacation more.

Me? I’m just still in disbelief that my dad will have been gone for three years and brainstorming ways to honor him tomorrow, September 5th. To say he is missed is an understatement. *Update: Created our own little cactus garden named after family property he christened.*

Woke up to discover that I had somehow used our entire month’s data allotment in a day. A real problem when you are staying at a remote cattle ranch where data is necessary as it’s sans wi-fi. The likely culprit? The ABC News app playing in the background overnight.

Came to fully appreciate the phrase, “Vacation Sigh.” As in the first, full deep breath of relief when you finally stop, rest, and realize your vacation has begun in earnest. <inserted contented Ahhhh! here>

Screamed bloody murder (apparently) while showering after a giant black moth landed on me unexpectedly as I was shaving my leg prompting Brian to race in to make sure I wasn’t dead.

Deemed our adventure up the Beartooth Pass in search of Black Rosy-Finches a damn debacle thanks to my vertigo and worsening fear of heights. Calmed thy myself by visiting a brewery and postcarding to loved ones while drinking a cider after we made it down.

Chuckled at the “slow down” sign posted on the rural farm road leading to our cattle ranch Airbnb. Just a reminder: a dog doesn’t need to be smart to be loved.

Half-jokingly instructed Brian, “No more dirt roads!” for the duration of the trip thanks to being jostled about for two days in our quest for vacation day trips. Montana is just as pretty from paved roads I think.

Narrowly escaped drinking my beer after a fly landed in it while relaxing on the porch of our cabin. Immediately handed it off to Brian and watched in amazement as he fished it out and drank it without missing a beat.

Enjoyed a spectacular thunder and lightning show from the safety of our darkened kitchen. Oohed and awed appropriately as if we were watching Fourth of July fireworks.

Enjoyed an early dinner at a BBQ restaurant full of kitsch galore including a life size statue of Betty Boop wearing her own matching mask. Glad to know people’s senses of humor made it out of the pandemic.

Happily counted to our little hearts content while cattle ranch vacationing. As in we saw 36 species of birds, 133 rail cars on a train, 8 deer crossing the mighty Yellowstone River, 23 antelope eating our host’s alfalfa, 3 books read, 8 episodes of BroadChurch binged, and 3 moths invading the cabin on our last night resulting in what forever will be known as MothGate.

Me? I’m just taking photos of my favorite mug full of my favorite coffee from my favorite view.

Survived and thrived through my first ever jury duty appearance. Wore a mask as did more folks than I had expected. Noted that I was absolutely overdressed in slacks vs. the actual house slippers I saw another person wear.

Chuckled internally at another potential juror’s dad joke, “I am enjoying peering at a group of my peers at our jury duty aPEERance.” Chuckled less when it was repeated again a couple of hours later.

Was both delighted and disappointed to not have been chosen, but overall grateful to not have been voir dired by lawyers because they scared me. Especially when they were trying to be nice.

Began to internally panic as more of my people announced (or conveyed through the rumor mill) that they had COVID automatically causing me to think my throat was scratchy and that I had a headache.

Booked an online appointment for a loved one to get tested for COVID in less than a minute. Nice change from the actual hours waiting in line at the urgent care circa my childhood.

Felt exhausted prepping for vacation. Almost considered not going. Did however enjoy the “vacation” shopping trip at Costco and was only slightly judged by the clerk who guessed our total would be over $400. (It was not. Phew.)

Attended my virtual book club to discuss a recently published book of poetry about grief. Cue all the feels. Added bonus included having the author attend and hearing him read a selection. Highly recommend More God Than Dead.

Overheard at The Eilers: Me: Can you stop whistling, please?? I’m too crabby for this. Brian: Oh. Right. Sorry about that. (Starts quietly singing instead.)

Met a friend for early happy hour drinks and snacks downtown. Was politely and firmly told that since we didn’t have a reservation we could have the table for one hour. At 4:30pm on a Wednesday. In Montana. No further evidence of the hipster doofus nature of our mountain town needed.

Me? I’m just accidentally melting my combs by leaving them too close to my straightener.

Worked a water station with colleagues (and Brian, obviously!) during a race benefitting my organization. Cheered, danced, and cowbelled for the runners for an hour resulting in plenty of car honks, lost voices, and frozen faces.

One of us laughed and one of us just looked confused upon hearing the term “Crypto Winter” which is apparently what we are in. Perhaps if you give it a name the people that invested in it won’t panic as much?

Cleaned out my now “teenaged” car in preparation for her first ever detailing. Several things became quickly apparent: I am disgusting, don’t clean it out enough, and am a hoarder as evidenced by the three pairs of sunglasses, my old iPod, receipts from 2012, a granola bar that expired years ago, and the outright trash I never threw away.

Attended a production of Sound of Music in honor of my mom’s one year Montana Anniversary. The fam and I wore masks the whole time and took great comfort in seeing 10% of the attendees had them on as well. Added introvert bonus that I recognized no fewer than four people but found myself once again camouflaged thanks to said mask, bangs, and hair color.

This week’s fun Brian fact included learning that he and his lab partner can detect an animal’s age thanks to the amount of plaque in its rabies brain sample. A collective, unnerved, impressive, “ew,” am I right?

Debated about what to do with our leftover cloth face masks. Decided they could be made into a nice, commemorative pillow case to honor the fiery hellscape that has been the last two years.

Worked our Western-themed gala alongside my favorite “voluntolded” person, Brian. Received many compliments on my impeccable greeting abilities and borrowed cowboy hat. Survived and thrived our way through 90° heat, a torrential downpour, lightning, giant spiders, and me somehow being in charge of tracking the money during the live auction and call for cash.

Overheard at the Eilers:
Me: Agh! I just got a clothing sponsored post for “mature” women! Brian: Just a matter of time before you start getting your own AARP card.

Realized that I forgot to remove the THIRD and final tag from my new jacket AFTER I had been out and about wearing it in public.

Me? I’m just wondering what to wear to jury duty and if I’m allowed to bring a book as after being “on deck” for two years of service, I’m officially at bat.

Picked a half gallon of berries. Gave myself plenty of kudos and shall now be known as “Champion Berry Picker of the World.” Did receive the begrudging praise of, “Good job” from the resident farmer to back this claim up.

Received a lengthy lesson during dinner from my father-in-law regarding the merits of various animal sh*t as fertilizer. You know that scene in Forest Gump when Bubba listed the ways shrimp can be used? Yeah, it was like that prompting my mother-in-law to quip, “Good thing we’re done eating.”

Continued to marvel at my mother-in-law’s ability to absolutely nail birthdays as evidenced by the camping themed cake AND matching card she created to celebrate Brian. It had a real campfire on the cake, people!

Left a brewery and saw an incoming customer wearing her N95 mask as a necklace pendant. This was a new one.

Was loudly referred to as “The Wise Ones” by another hiker as we were finishing our hike prior to the heat of the day while they were just starting theirs. Well, duh.

Cried at the dentist during a procedure. Wanted to keep crying when I paid the first half of the bill at checkout. Learned that you don’t get a discount if you cry, but they are extra nice to you after.

Felt immensely proud to have been invited to walk alongside the local library’s bookmobile parade entry in our town’s quintessential festival. Declined because of weather and even this Leslie Knope’s inability to keep a smile on my face for that long.

Managed to capture a photo of a robin and their fledgling preening together on our fence. Decided their expressions fit the current mood of the afternoon.

Received the most brilliant gift courtesy of another Trojan loving relative for the upcoming football season: A USC bottle opener that plays their fight song. Epic.

Overheard at the Eilers:
(After relaying a smattering of bad news and inconveniences)
Me: Agh, God. I’m such a whiner.
Brian: But you’re all mine.

Manifested for multiple loved ones that they don’t get COVID after being exposed. Also manifested that I don’t actually have to do the jury duty service that I just received for the week leading up to our very much needed vacation.

Me? I’m just discreetly taking pictures of my neighbor’s hollyhocks since we inexplicably cannot seem to grow our own.

Overheard at The Eilers:
(Brian distinctly beginning to sing)
Me: Omg, what are you singing? Is that the Barney song?
Brian: (stops immediately) Uh, yeah, I think so…I didn’t realize what it was until then.

Discovered that international tug of war is an actual thing. Highly entertaining TV watching if one is bored on a Saturday morning. And taken very seriously by a good many countries in Europe apparently.

Had the quintessential Montana morning. Breakfasted at the reservoir, hiked, and U-Picked our way to anxiety inducing, semi-artfully arranged floral bouquets.

Volunteered in my capacity as a board member ringing up customers during the library book sale. Can 100% confirm that I have forgotten all forms of basic math including counting, addition, multiplication and making change. This is why I’m not allowed access to QuickBooks at work.

“Metabolics is a just a joke! It’s just so hard to publish the data!” in response to one of The Scientist’s papers being rejected for review. Used my very best social workery skills to empathize. Learned also the difference between high impact and low impact journals.

Was referred to and celebrated as the basement troll that I was after helping to pack and sort 40+ boxes of books last week. Having not been called this particular name before I suspected it was high praise and took it as a compliment.

Heard The Scientist call COVID the ‘rona for the first time, well, ever. Even he is giving up. How far we’ve come from the days of SARS-CoV-2.

Attended my first movie since 2019 thanks to work’s wellness book club wanting to judge the movie version vs. book. Wore a mask. Felt slightly better each time I heard someone near by sneeze or cough. Opted not to indulge in my contraband Junior Mints in order to remain masked up.

Passed a sad little billboard awaiting its next advertisement while traveling through rural Montana. Currently on it? Graffiti with the following words, “I Am Tired.” Same, same.

Snacked my way through my father-in-laws massive garden. Decided sunkissed raspberries are legit the best and that Walla Walla onions are delicate little things that I am now afraid to touch lest they bruise.

Negotiated with a coworker for a much needed office supply porch drop. I received 7 thank you notes with envelopes in exchange for 1 address label and a 13 page print job. Oh, the remote life is glamorous, indeed.

Bounded down the stairs after hearing a startling noise emanating from the kitchen. Discovered the freezer had wigged out scattering quickly melting ice cubes throughout the entire area.

Me? I’m just problem-solving my way to getting Brian the ladder he wanted for his birthday by having him pick it up himself.

Continued to marvel at the difference between our respective body temps. I require a jacket, pants, and an electric blanket year round and struggle whenever the portable AC gets turned on prompting the semi-regular and exasperated, “How are you so cold all the time?!” from Brian.

Enjoyed the PBS Documentary channel, our favorite purchase from Amazon Prime Days. So far enjoyed? Planet California and a doc on the Donner Party. What can I say? I’m nostalgic for home.

Received official confirmation from The Scientist’s former boss that the paper on their project was submitted to the Journal of Biological Chemistry. My contribution of, “Oh, that sounds like an important one” was met with an eye roll and uncomfortable giggle.

Interrupted a porch drop scaring all parties involved. She thought I was coming to say hi and I thought I was just checking the weather. Cue startled shrieking and numerous apologies.

Celebrated Christmas in July by making my family’s infamous cookies, drinking mimosas, listening to a truly excellent Spotify Christmas in July playlist, watching Die Hard, and reading a holiday romance. Was going well until it was discovered that a key ingredient was two years expired. Will always refer to this episode as Powder Sugar-Gate. Instacart was discovered as a consequence.

Was informed ever so causally by Brian that a second paper for another project was ready to be submitted as well. This time had to wait while he signed a submission release confirming his contributing authorship.

Empathized with a friend recovering from COVID that this variant’s symptoms were different and in some ways, worse. Ah, for the variant of yesteryears.

Unconsciously used movies to give each other pumped up morning goodbyes. Mine? A variation of The Help’s “You is kind. You is smart. You is Important.” His? Cool Runnings’ “I see pride! I see power! I see a bad-ass mother who don’t take no crap off of nobody!”

Watched in amusement as Mr. Pickle Hater himself ordered a pickle based sandwich and two days later brought home a dill inspired salad mix. He had a 50/50 track record and many kudos were given to him for trying new things.

Got invested in a Tale of Two Cats: The Bobcat and the Kitten That Lived courtesy of The Scientist’s ever interesting lab happenings. We were all pleased that the bobcat was not rabid and therefore the kitten was spared twice. Must be one resilient feline.

Learned through scientific osmosis that if you want to ensure that the bat you need tested will be DOA, don’t just assume it will suffocate in the Tupperware you sealed it in. Or The Scientist and his lab partner have to problem solve.

Me? I’m just paying the consequences of not lifting with my legs after sorting and packing boxes of books.

Listened as The Scientist ping-ponged scientific terms and other scholarly discussions with the host of a BBQ we attended. Received multiple questions from others within earshot of these exchanges asking if I understood any of it and was it always like this. That would be hard no and yes, respectively.

Felt decidedly left out in the best possible way as everyone at same said BBQ lamented their COVID illness stories and The Scientist and I were the only ones that could not relate.

Accidentally inked my face while talking with my hands during a work meeting prompting a colleague to hand me a Wet One like the well prepared mom she is much to the delight of everyone in attendance.

Came home to find a very brave prairie dog camped on my driveway refusing to move despite my rapidly approaching car. Eventually I won this particular turf war and he went back to destroying my yard.

Received yet another notice that my identity has been compromised due to the hacking of my former mortgage company. Good news though, I have identity monitoring until at least age 60 through a variety of companies.

Continued to have birthday present drama with Brian as he claims not to need anything. Finally received an exasperated, “What I really need is a ladder! And I doubt you’ll be the person to get that for me.” After mildly panicking about how I’d figure THAT out, I confessed that I had hoped he’d request a shirt, beer, or something that would at least fit in my very compact car.

Came thisclose to hitting what turned out to be Brian’s bosses/bestie’s car while attempting to park in the very small lot of a popular eatery basically on the campus of MSU. How did I know it was his? Because he watched the debacle progress (and my panic upon realizing I was essentially stuck) as he was approached. Was given an amused, “Whatcha doin?” Begged him not to tell Brian and then made him leave so I could steal his much better spot.

Went down memory lane as my mom produced a framed note I wrote as a kid begging my parents to play Monopoly with me. My takeaway as an adult? I was a terrible negotiator.

Ooohed and awwed like everyone else upon seeing the images from the James Webb Space Telescope. Universe escapism at its finest right there.

Worked hard to ignore the fact that our community is once again in high transmission. One can only handle so much and this ostrich is checking out.

Me? I’m just enjoying an impromptu after work ice cream date with my mom.